unknown kind of pain

tomorrow is suppose to be a special day where i finally get to gather with people whom i care for but i don’t feel the least bit excited

i din really care until today when it suddenly occurred to me that those very few who won’t be coming make a whole lot of difference to me, maybe not to others but to me it matters, i can do away with all the gifts just in hope that they may just turn up. 

another wishful thinking on my part again, how much worst can it get right? i seemed to have lived through the worst of it, just that i’m still taken aback by how much pain this still causes me.

bah.

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