trust vs mistrust

i guess my train of thoughts always go in the same routine. first i’ll feel so pissed and then it leads me into thinking about a lot of similar things that may have happened before.

but i’m not kidding when i say that today it hit me hard.

i popped up first on the mind of a family member for having said something i didn’t and its way worst when someone so closely knitted as family can feel that way, i was was more than just disappointed.

then thinking about the times that it happened before with others, it occurred to me with the impact of a slap across my face. maybe the problem lies with me, maybe i haven played my role as friend and family correctly for others to doubt me firsthand. 

its happened many a time that i can’t stop this train of thoughts from affecting me. i’m sorry if i haven played my part right, to give yall the feeling that i can’t be trusted. 

 

this seriously is one of the most fucked up feelings that i’ve felt in a long time

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